[Should he say it? Should he admit the vulnerability that Monika and Tech had determined from his post? For a moment he hesitates before responding. And then he decides he must be honest.]
Rock is gone. I am processing the grief of it. It is not easy. But I wish to be more like a person he could respect.
My brother. That was his true name, as Blues is mine. I didn't give anyone it before, because it should be his choice. But he is gone now. And I'm alone.
[And alone with Rock gone is very different from not spending a lot of time with Rock. Very different.]
My eyes hurt from crying at night. And my head too. IT has been a while and it still hurts.
[Suzaku, know it or not, has unlocked the deeper emotional connection level.]
[Mega... He was gone. Blues was alone.] Would you like me to come over? [He's not sure what will help. Grief was a terrible thing. It was something he had far too much experience with but it never got easier. Not for himself, not for helping others.
[He hates it so much. He hates the walls. He hates the sameness. He hates that it feels like an empty space. All he wants to do is keep being curled in a ball whenever he isn't out doing research or with one of his trainers.]
[They've spoken of it before, but Suzaku has never wanted to push him. He doesn't want to make a fighter out of someone who isn't. Someone who hasn't made that choice.
Especially someone for whom choice has not been something they've had much of in the past.]
Yes. Bucky and Sara have already started to assist in my training. Steve has offered to help me with shield work. I am going to be able to protect others.
[Because to him, making good on his brother's example matters now. Matters a lot.]
Ah. Perhaps. [His mentor growing up had been closer to him than his father in many ways, but he can understand. It's not a term that often means a closeness.]
You are very important to me too Blues, but I am glad you have more important people.
[It's a strange sort of pressure. Knowing he is so important to Blues. He doesn't want to mess things up, do something that will hurt him, when so much already has.]
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Date: 2022-05-07 10:09 am (UTC)[He's back? This is his way of announcing this.]
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Date: 2022-05-09 03:03 pm (UTC)Rock is gone. I am processing the grief of it. It is not easy. But I wish to be more like a person he could respect.
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Date: 2022-05-09 06:18 pm (UTC)[He's even more worried now than he was when he sent the message. Someone close to Blues had disappeared.]
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Date: 2022-05-09 07:01 pm (UTC)[And alone with Rock gone is very different from not spending a lot of time with Rock. Very different.]
My eyes hurt from crying at night. And my head too. IT has been a while and it still hurts.
[Suzaku, know it or not, has unlocked the deeper emotional connection level.]
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Date: 2022-05-09 07:41 pm (UTC)It would hurt for a long time. Perhaps forever.]
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Date: 2022-05-09 07:43 pm (UTC)[He hates it so much. He hates the walls. He hates the sameness. He hates that it feels like an empty space. All he wants to do is keep being curled in a ball whenever he isn't out doing research or with one of his trainers.]
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Date: 2022-05-09 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-05-09 08:06 pm (UTC)[He doesn't know where to go for *fun*]
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Date: 2022-05-10 08:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-05-11 01:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-05-11 09:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-05-11 04:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-05-12 10:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-05-12 07:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-05-13 07:32 am (UTC)[They've spoken of it before, but Suzaku has never wanted to push him. He doesn't want to make a fighter out of someone who isn't. Someone who hasn't made that choice.
Especially someone for whom choice has not been something they've had much of in the past.]
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Date: 2022-05-13 03:15 pm (UTC)[Because to him, making good on his brother's example matters now. Matters a lot.]
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Date: 2022-05-15 06:15 pm (UTC)[But he had no doubt she would be another good teacher.]
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Date: 2022-05-16 04:41 pm (UTC)[How does he describe Sara?]
Like a friend but more guiding? I don't know if there is a term for it. She is important. One of my important people.
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Date: 2022-05-22 04:45 pm (UTC)I'm glad though, that you have important people.
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Date: 2022-05-23 05:52 am (UTC)No, she's... There's more affection than that. But it will have to do.
You are important people as well, Suzaku.
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Date: 2022-05-23 07:12 pm (UTC)You are very important to me too Blues, but I am glad you have more important people.
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Date: 2022-05-23 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-05-24 04:34 am (UTC)Hopefully you will find even more.
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Date: 2022-05-24 05:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-05-29 02:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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